Reality Bites

Black Or White…

labanoncorpuz — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 02:24:49 +0000

Just what makes a person bad? What does it take to be considered good? Earlier I had the privilege of getting an answer from my husband. It was not what I wanted to hear but I’m grateful of the fact that it was an honest one. “Am I really a bad person?” To this question, I got both Yes and No. Yes, because no matter how good of a person I think I am, which I know I am not, people are not going to see me the way I see myself. No, because no matter how bad people perceive me to be, whether there is any truth to that perception, I am, like most people are, a good person. I recently started to reach out to a person who used to be an integral part of my life. She is my mother’s sister. She is my Aunt. She was my bestfriend for a long time. She but was. I used the word WAS because sadly, she is no longer part of my life. Not that I chose it. If I can live yet again that part of my life where everything, that has to do with her, started to crumble, I will change one thing. But like a flood that washes off every remnants of a place, our relationship too was awashed along with the bitter reality of each other’s pride. I tried my best to make things a little better, livable at that, to nothing. Right, our conscience makes us realize our part in the mistake but what happens to the other naked part? Maybe, there really are things that can not be undone no matter how much effort you put into it. No, maybe is an understatement. I do not know how much longer I have to live in this beautiful world. I do not know for sure how many people I will come to hurt unintentionally. I’m certain mistakes are just around the corner waiting to crash in on me. I’m sure I will have to make decisions later and tomorrow and they can be right or wrong. Whatever tomorrow brings for me, my stand will never change. I will always stand on my decision, be it right or wrong. Some of you may think what an arrogant of a person I am. For those very few who know the real deal, the perspective may be a totally different one. But then again, we are free to think.

My Bestfriend’s Engagement…

labanoncorpuz — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 04:03:02 +0000

If my memory serves me right, I met her in November 11, 2004. That was over 4 years ago. I was only 24. She was 22. But wait don’t just look at the numbers itself. That doesn’t make me 2 years older. Technically, I’m only 1 year and 4 months older. Oh well, who cares anyway. Fast rewind four years back. I was at a point in my life where future seemed so bleak. Do you know that feeling when you are no longer sure about everything except the fact that your future holds only uncertainty? I’m talking about that kind. Sounds all too sad huh? So, here comes my Aunt (another person very dear to me whom I will write about some other time) who offered me a once in a life time chance of finally being able to see another part of the world. I took the chance of course. It was my fifth night in Hong Kong. I was having fun, despite a very bad migraine every now and then. A friend of my Aunt and her husband were hospitable enough and accompanied us in Miramar Hotel. The bar is called Eyes and there is where she used to sing regularly. Her name is Jovy. She is 4 inches taller than my 5 feet stance. She is pretty but I’m prettier, smart but not smarter than me or so I believe. We hit it off right away. From the very start, I knew she is someone I can trust. Like the kind of trust you have for your sister. Our friendship was not smooth sailing. We had our share of fights. We disagreed and still disagree about so many things. I am so thankful He made our paths cross because she, in a way, brought me and Jeff together. Now that she is engaged, I can’t be any happier. Congratulations Friend!!

Losing An Angel…

labanoncorpuz — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 14:57:25 +0000

Around 10 o’clock in the morning, Central Europe time, 21 October 2008. I was getting really impatient. Jeff, despite himself and his growing excitement equal to mine, looked so relaxed. Apparently, I have concluded, when Germans give you a 10:00AM appointment, it meant waiting for another half an hour or so. I entertained myself on the expense of my husband’s annoyance. I knew he’s going to take every little stupidity from my end. After all, I’m pregnant. When the clinic staff finally ushered us to a private room I was too excited to even complain about how the doctor was supposed to have checked me already an hour earlier. I reminded myself, this doctor is one of the best ones practicing within the city and being late this first time does not matter because he’s going to take care of me and my baby really well throughout my pregnancy. We found out, I was 6 weeks and 2 days on the way. He informed us that at 5 weeks, normally, the fetus will be shown as a very tiny black dot. Because I was too embarrassed and uncomfortable about the idea of being alone, half-naked and legs widely spread in front of my doctor, Jeff stayed. Staring at the ultrasound monitor lasted forever. The doctor saw nothing. Neither did Jeff, nor myself. I had to force the huge lump off my throat. Somehow I know something was awfully wrong. I so wanted to ask why the ultrasound monitor was not showing my baby. Then there it was. “You are having a miscarriage.” I swear I never felt so disoriented, minus any form of medication, in my entire life until my doctor uttered those horrible words. I was pretty sure he was out of his mind. He didn’t know what he was talking about. He was trying to pull a very bad joke on me. His equipment is outdated. He is professionally incompetent. Then tears started to flow uncontrollably. Jeff was as stunned as I was. I saw him wiped his tears. I could not believe what was happening. I must have been dreaming. My mind was screaming for somebody to wake me up. My mind was in chaos. I choked on the single word I have managed to ask. Why? Chromosomal deficiency. He patiently explained, in a heavy German accent voice, how most women suffer miscarriage on their first pregnancy. I am not the first and will certainly not going to be the last. Some do not even know they’re losing a pregnancy and mistake it for a normal period. I perfectly understood the literal meaning of each word my doctor was saying but put together, they only meant one thing, I lost my baby. Something I did not want to believe. I was in denial for the longest time. I was grieving my loss. Jeff and I wanted that baby so much. Losing it just didn’t make sense at all. Of all people, why me? What have I done? Why do some people have many kids? Way too many to even provide them their basic needs. And I had wanted one, just one baby. I had to tell myself over and over that everything happens for a reason. My consolation is the fact that Jeff and I can always try getting pregnant again. It has been over two months since that incident. Acceptance is never easy. I’m never going to forget about it but every one of us will always, no matter what, reach a point of losing something… losing someone. So when Halloween night was over, after staying by my front door waiting in the cold for every kids and parents in the neighborhood I can give chocolates to as a treat (because I don’t have a trick), I crawled in bed with Jeff and cried my heart out. I decided right there and then that I have to come to terms with the loss. I can never bring anything back. All I can do is treasure that moment of immense happiness in mine and Jeff’s face when we found out we were pregnant. There have been many blessings since. For one, I finally got my (Europe) driver’s license. Jeff and I were able to spend a wonderful time together alone back in the States for a week and I got my US Citizenship during that trip. Also, I’m happy to let you guys know that my younger sister Baby who got married in September this year is on her first trimester. I envy her but nevertheless so happy for her as well. I will appoint myself as her baby’s godmother. Now that’s funny. Wish me luck on my continued quest for motherhood.

First Sign…

labanoncorpuz — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:50:31 +0000

Although I have always wanted his baby, Jeff and I started tying to get pregnant just before he left for a 6-week long training in Fort Sill, Oklahoma back in November last year. For him then, I suspected, the prospect of leaving me behind because of the training, and the future ones he would have to take in his Army career, made him changed his mind. He thought having a baby would dramatically stop my crying and make me miss him less when he’s away. So did our quest of getting pregnant begin. I had consulted my doctor back in June about getting pregnant and she prescribed me Prenatal Vitamins. Not because I was pregnant but to prepare my body for a future pregnancy. Every month, a period is comparable to frustration but patience is a virtue. I religiously take my vitamins every single day, studied my cycle and have calendared my peiod date. Alas, our effort finally paid off. I was suprresing the thrill I instinctively felt when I started missing my period. One day. Two days. Five days. I had planned on taking the test supposedly today, Sunday. Finally on Friday, the 10^th of October, Jeff came home from working out with a pregnancy kit. I never realized he was as excited as I was until I saw him bring it home. So to the bathroom I went, praying I was not just imagining everything. I skipped no line reading and followed the instructions carefully. There I was, still sitting on the toilet bowl, stunned, staring down at the pregnancy test kit which turned out a positive result. I uttered a loud “Oh my God. Hon, come see”. Jeff’s reaction was a mixed emotion of excitement and disbelief. The first words that came out of his mouth were “No Way”. The next were “I love you Hon” coupled with a very long kiss. Finally our wish has come true. It has been a grueling months of trying to have a baby. Now, we are having one.

Ageless Age…

labanoncorpuz — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:59:51 +0000

Why do some people lie about their age? Sure, it’s none of my business. But I can’t help feeling a little annoyed about it. Some people in my friends list whom I got acquainted with back in high school suddenly became younger. Was the time turned back without my knowledge? As far as I know, we add years to our age, not subtract. And we can never be younger than our younger sibling. Does that make sense? So, why lie about the age?

Missing Shoes…

labanoncorpuz — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 05:04:52 +0000

My husband’s 8-month old torn and dirty running shoes were missing – “stolen” maybe – this morning. I have instructed Jeff to leave his shoes, because they’re always dirty, just outside our door so I won’t have to clean the shoe closet every so often. This, he has been doing for the past three weeks. I’m sure his shoes, and my umbrella which I had used in the rain the day before and left to dry, were outside the door when we left for our marriage retreat in Garmisch on Wednesday morning. We live in a highly secured military base. Safeguarded from potential enemies in the outside world but not safe from our very own neighbors. Over a month ago, a soldier impatiently knocked on my door. Apparently, his PT (physical training) uniform which he had left to dry in the basement was no longer in the dryer. Somone, most likely, from our building brazenly stole his clothes and he made sure everyone knew by knocking in every door. At that time, I thought it was only an isolated incident. I even laughed at it. This morning I’m convinced there is a thief on the loose. I guess, whoever he/she may be, I had helped in some ways by giving an opportunity to steal something. Lesson learned today: BEWARE.

Bye-Bye Hairy Legs…

labanoncorpuz — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 05:15:26 +0000

I remember shaving off the tiny hair in my legs back when I was in high school. I did that once. I do not remember if I liked the feeling of hairless legs. However, I was aware of the discomfort when the hair started to grow. Back then, the business of shaving is something I would fuss about the least. Yeah, I’m sure that happened once until over a decade and few days ago. I went shopping for food at the Commissary with my husband on Friday. Amongst the things I had in my congested mind was to buy an Aveeno sunblock spray. The one I had ended up in the trash after it was rendered useless by Jeff when the spray nozzle was destroyed a couple weeks back during an argument. It was my fault, I pushed his patience too far – but that’s another story I’ll write about next time, probably. The Commissary ran out of the sunblock spray I wanted so I opted to purchase this one brand called Tropical Hawaii with an SPF of 55. High SPF, sounds good. I neglected the basic rule of smelling before purchasing. Turned out, after applying a portion on my arm when we got home, this brand has that coconut-vanilla smell that I find so strong. It gave me a nasty migraine for the rest of the day. I ended up returning it the day after and exchanged it with Neutrogena dry-touch sunblock lotion SPF 55, with helioplex broad spectrum uva-uvb (whatever those words mean). This one I love because of the subtle scent and it dries quickly on the skin. Another thing I bought on Friday was a Sally Hanssen hair remover spray. Since I moved to San Francisco last year, I never saw one female with hair on the legs and calves. I struggled keeping the beloved hair on my legs for as long as I can. I always get a “No, it doesn’t look ugly Hon” reply from Jeff each time I ask his opinion about it. That went on for a year. Chances are it really doesn’t bother him at all or he just can’t bring himself to tell me they’re not that nice and that it’s high time I get rid of them. After a year in the beautiful San Francisco and two trips to the pool here in Germany with my new found friends and bunches of young and not so young women, hairless at that, I finally decided to do something. On Saturday I bid the hair on my legs goodbye. The spray was amazing. I just left the foam on my legs for about 5 minutes, rinsed it with warm water and all the hair is gone. I definitely don’t have the perfect legs but now I have perfectly hairless ones. You bet I’m going to keep doing this.

Classes…

labanoncorpuz — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 02:19:47 +0000

I’m glad I took another look at the classes I enrolled for. Turned out, 2 of the classes have mandatory on-campus orientation and final exam. The main reason why I chose CCSF is because of the low tuition fee. Second is the convenience of studying in the comfort of my home. If I have to go back to San Francisco and spend hundreds of dollars for my plane ticket for the orientation and final exam, then my first reason is defeated. So I ended up replacing those 2 classes with the ones that do not require campus visits. Now I have one 3-unit class under Computer Science and two 3-unit classes under Computer Networking and Information Technology. Where are these classes going to lead me? I feel like I’m in a time capsule and was brought back to my freshman college days. Torn between pursuing Civil Engineering or finishing Computer Science which my Ate Lablab chose for me. I should have continued with the latter. But then again, if one event in my past was altered, I would never be where I am at now. Whew!! What with all the decisions we have to make.

Counting Months Into Years…

labanoncorpuz — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:53:54 +0000

Finally, I’ve come around to having a little time to write. The past couple of weeks events hindered me from being in the computer long enough to blog on my whereabouts. Very busy indeed. I went to my Dentist. Had a consulation with my Dermatologist. Had religiously worked out in the gym for a week. Did the laundry. Cleaned the house. Cooked meals. Attended the activation ceremony of Jeff’s unit. Went to the unit’s barbeque day. Those and all the other things I did in between. After months of consulation with my husband, I finally enrolled for 3 online credit classes in City College of San Francisco. This time I’m aiming towards an Associates Degree in Computer Science. I would have had started on this course last year had it not been on CCSF’s regulation on being a California Resident. The regulation states that a student should be a resident of the State for at least 365 days to be able to take advantage of the $20 per unit tuition fee. Otherwise, one will be considered an International student and would have to pay over $100 per unit. I had enrolled for a 3-unit AutoCAD 2007 class last year and was assessed $590. That amount for 1 subject alone which is insane. So I dropped it after showing up on the first class meeting and took free non-credit class in MS Access instead. I can’t wait for my classes to start come first week of August! There will be no interaction with classmates in a classroom setting but nevertheless I’m going to be a student again. An online student!! Cool! Also, Jeff and I have made new friends with his fellow soldiers and their Filipino wives. All of them have very adorable kids which all the more made me want to have one for myself. Wishes. Longings. Dreams. It isn’t that bad, is it? I hope so. After all, dreams and wishes do come true. No all of it though. Well one of my wish is that Jeff and I will continue counting our days, weeks, months and years together. Today marks the 2^nd year and 8^th month of our marriage. Just how fast time pass by. It seemed like we met each other and got married in Hong Kong yesterday. What surprise can I give him tonight?

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Gym buff for a week!

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15th Engineer Battalion activation ceremony on 16 July 2008.

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With my Spc. Corpuz after the ceremony.

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15th Engineer Battalion family day, 17 July 2008. Filipino vs. Mexican. Corpuz vs. Naranjo.

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Full-time soldier, part-time baby sitter. With our friend Melonn’s 2-year old Joshua.

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Kiss me look? At Melonn’s house.

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With Maricel’s 10-month old baby Zach.

Pool Day…

labanoncorpuz — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:25:42 +0000

I used to associate COLD with the word GERMANY. I thought it’s always cold out here. Wrong. The weather is just crazy. Unpredictable!! One day it can go hot as hell and freaking cold the next. Today was one of those days. Jeff and I went out with our new friends to Silvana Pool to cool down. Unwind. Relax. Alas it was fun!!

Sunshine after a wild rain.

Want some beer? Anyone?

Fun Day & Crazy People…

labanoncorpuz — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:09:34 +0000

I’d like to share these pictures taken on June 27th - the Spouse Day of my husband’s unit. I never played Paint Ball before and it took me a lot of courage to join the game. Though I got shot, at close range, in the ass cheek I had fun!! It was a blast!!

Order of Photos:

1) Jeff on his break from the first game.

2) Can you pick me from the group? Yes you can. Hint: Wearing Jeff’s black shirt.

3) Jeff and me on the bleachers after my game. Shot in the ass!!

4) In out apartment living room. We were waiting for Diaz and Brenda to pick us up.

5) Jeff and me and the self-timed camera.

6) Still us outside Naranjo’s quarter.

7) Oh no I’m not drunk. Whatever made you say that? LOL. Diaz and his wife Brenda, me, Jeff and Naranjo.

8) For real I’m not drunk. I just don’t know what I’m doing. Was i checking out the street trash bin? Eeeewww!

Corners of Nowhere…

labanoncorpuz — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:44:22 +0000

I often find myself thinking about the day I will be returning to my Maker. So much have been said as a result of some people’s wild imagination about death. Some even claimed to have died. Seen themselves struggled back to life, and triumphed. When we die, they said, our spirit merely leaves the body. It stays close to the love ones until the realisation of the bdoy being dead sinks in. Then the long journey to heaven or hell begins. If you are a good person, heaven is your eternal home. Otherwise, you will rot in hell. Are all these real though? There are far too many questions in my mind that, I think, can only be answered the day I die. Or would they be? This mere thought freaks me out but I can’t bring myself out of it. What will happen when I die? Is Jeff going to fall in love again and remarry? Am I going to see him again in another world? Will my sisters miss me? Are my parents going to be ok? How would people remember me? Have I lived my life good enough of a person to be welcomed in heaven? Is there really hell? I’m already lost in this crazy world, would I still be in another? No one knows for sure. Death is unpredictable. I can only find peace in the thought that God will be there on that day.

15th Engineers’ Spouse Day…

labanoncorpuz — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 06:53:25 +0000

Jeff and I went to sleep in a war mood last night. The culprit: ROUTER. I had wanted to move our laptop and printer to the extra bedroom. However the phone outlet for our internet is in the living room. In order to achieve my goal I need a router and thus connect to the internet through my laptop’s wireless capability. Technology!! So we lost ourselves to sleep in a fighting mood. This morning I woke up to the screaming sound of the alarm clock and found myself looking staight up in Jeff’s face. I rolled over to the opposite side to let him know I was still mad. He hugged me close to him and said we are going to buy the router whenever I want. I almost automatically turned into an angel (not even close) and got ready. What a wonderful morning to wake up to. Today is his unit’s spouse day. It is my day! I had planned on joining the activities with the rest of the unit’s wives since I learned about it a week ago. I almost did not go with him. The reason: CLOTHES. Jeff wanted me to wear a tank top! I wanted to wear a shirt. I got my way and off we went. It was fun and I had a blast. Now I understand what he has to go through every morning, 5 days a week. The physical training is too much for me. Me and the rest of the wives ran with the soldiers. They normally do 2-3 miles but today, for the wives, the ran was only for approximately 1 mile. It was hella tiring. I almost gave up. I did stop running and walk for a while but I didn’t want to fail my husband. He kept pushing me to finish running and I did! Congratulations to me. We have a lot of activities today. I will go see my doctor at 10 and will join the unit after. It will be fun!

The Irony…

labanoncorpuz — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 04:49:18 +0000

Life really is full of irony. Mine is. I don’t know about you. I’m sure a lot would agree with me on this one. When we are still in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship stage we do everything we can to be responsible adults. NEVER GET PREGNANT. Once married and the longing for a child kicks in, no matter how hard you try, getting pregnant is like the most prized job in the world. Currently, becoming a mom is my dream job!! I wonder how much longer it’s going to take before I reach the motherhood stage. Yesterday I had another large doze of my frustration pill when my unwelcomed visitor came. Is there something wrong with me? Or I’m just one in a million of other women who have the same issue? According to the article I stumbled upon online, it takes over 12 months of trial and error process before most couple successfully get pregnant. We just have to keep trying then.

Running About…

labanoncorpuz — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 04:42:35 +0000

I felt like I haven’t done so much and yet, on the other hand, I don’t know how for some reason the last few days seemed so hectic. Freak! Or am I just trying to make myself believe I have been productive. Poor thing. My Monday was wonderfully and tiringly (if there is a word) spent with Jeff in Bamberg. The city is beautiful. The only thing that is not was the weather, on that particular day. It was raining!! Not very hard but it was still raining. How I wish I had brought my umbrella, which Jeff reminded me of before we left, and not have spent 4 euros. Huh, 4 euros for an umbrella. That’s like over 200 pesos, darn euro. So, around Bamberg we went, on foot. We visited 3 churches. Very old ones. I’ve posted some of the pictures in my blog album. You can check them out if you want. By the way, I’m thinking about purchasing a new camera. I have comfortably convinced myself that I’m a neophyte photography buff so a camera with a very wide-angle lense will really make my day. Hmm, I may have it as my 29th Birthday present. From Jeff of course. Whew I can’t wait!! Come this weekend, our next trip will be to a Concentration Camp about 5 hours train-ride away. I am so glad that Schweinfurt is situated at the center of Germany because it is pretty easy and less expensive to travel north or south bound.